Happy Medium?

I don't think I enjoyed staying at home with my children as much as I should have. I think I honestly thought the day would never come that I would be given an opportunity to go back to work. Well the day arrived and now I am wondering why I thought the grass would be greener over here. Don't get me wrong the labor of being a stay at home Mom was starting to take a huge toll on me. The endless amount of energy it takes to get up every morning and do the same things over and over again, to clean the house just to go into the room you just cleaned and it be a mess AGAIN!!, to your phone ringing and it being your other stay at home mom friend and you being so happy to chat with someone until one of you have to end the conversation early because someone got into something!!!! Then the guilt....I felt the guilt everyday that I was here and not contributing financially, that the house wasn't spotless when my husband got home and that at times I wished and even prayed God would transport me far away from these two little men. After a week of working I have realized that I am missing out on something that I can never ever get back. Yes, I agree it is good for kids to be in a social setting and interact with kids their own age and to be given the opportunity to gain Independence but, at what expense? We had an incident occur already at Colin's daycare and it is seriously made me question if me working right now is the answer. Nothing major happened to him and he has been removed from that daycare but, I just have my doubts. I realize to be a good parent you have to second guess what you are doing to ensure it is the right decision for your family but, at what point do you accept that decision and move forward with it? You will have to accept all the positives and negatives of that decision. You will have to sacrafice things in each decision but, you have to decide what sacrifice is going to mean more to you in the end...the fact that you have a cool new phone, dvr and new clothes or the memories you have with your kids because you were there. Their first words, first steps, the laughing and playing? Will I look back on this time and think I am sure glad I got to watch my favorite show last night and I was glad I was able to text my friends or will I think I really wish I quit that job and gave up all the neat things that the money can buy? I think you realize where I am going with this. We may have lived paycheck to paycheck when I was not working and yes our life will be eaiser finacially if I do work but, we make it work on one income. And our kids are happy and I know they are safe. And at the end of the day I know whats happening in their day, because I was there with them.

I havent made any decisions but, you can see that I am having some serious doubts about all of this. I am no longer going to let this weigh on me. I have given it to God and he will direct me in the way I need to go.