Happy Medium?

I don't think I enjoyed staying at home with my children as much as I should have. I think I honestly thought the day would never come that I would be given an opportunity to go back to work. Well the day arrived and now I am wondering why I thought the grass would be greener over here. Don't get me wrong the labor of being a stay at home Mom was starting to take a huge toll on me. The endless amount of energy it takes to get up every morning and do the same things over and over again, to clean the house just to go into the room you just cleaned and it be a mess AGAIN!!, to your phone ringing and it being your other stay at home mom friend and you being so happy to chat with someone until one of you have to end the conversation early because someone got into something!!!! Then the guilt....I felt the guilt everyday that I was here and not contributing financially, that the house wasn't spotless when my husband got home and that at times I wished and even prayed God would transport me far away from these two little men. After a week of working I have realized that I am missing out on something that I can never ever get back. Yes, I agree it is good for kids to be in a social setting and interact with kids their own age and to be given the opportunity to gain Independence but, at what expense? We had an incident occur already at Colin's daycare and it is seriously made me question if me working right now is the answer. Nothing major happened to him and he has been removed from that daycare but, I just have my doubts. I realize to be a good parent you have to second guess what you are doing to ensure it is the right decision for your family but, at what point do you accept that decision and move forward with it? You will have to accept all the positives and negatives of that decision. You will have to sacrafice things in each decision but, you have to decide what sacrifice is going to mean more to you in the end...the fact that you have a cool new phone, dvr and new clothes or the memories you have with your kids because you were there. Their first words, first steps, the laughing and playing? Will I look back on this time and think I am sure glad I got to watch my favorite show last night and I was glad I was able to text my friends or will I think I really wish I quit that job and gave up all the neat things that the money can buy? I think you realize where I am going with this. We may have lived paycheck to paycheck when I was not working and yes our life will be eaiser finacially if I do work but, we make it work on one income. And our kids are happy and I know they are safe. And at the end of the day I know whats happening in their day, because I was there with them.

I havent made any decisions but, you can see that I am having some serious doubts about all of this. I am no longer going to let this weigh on me. I have given it to God and he will direct me in the way I need to go.

Connor's year end preschool performace

Connor had his year end performance with Little Scholars Academy Preschool this evening. Below is a link to the video. It was so great!!! The song is about a bumble bee. Connor loves this song and sings it around the house everyday!!! My favorite part of the whole evening is towards the end of the video when he grabs the mic and says "HI MOMMY" Made my day!!





Thank you for all of those who were able to make it tonight. We appreciate all your love and support.

My Photos didnt turn out so well but, here are a few!

This is Connor with his class!

With his bumble bee "hat"
Connor on stage being our little star!

End of the performance. Connor trying to take the mic!

I start working on Tuesday!

It has been a crazy week. Or crazy half week. Wednesday: Colin woke up and went number two and had blood and mucus in his stool. We went into the doctor and they want him on a laxative. They said Miralax but, I am trying the Little Tummy's brand right now. It seems to be working. I just wish we could figure out what is wrong since he has struggled with this since he was three weeks old. On this day I received a call from my staffing agency that I interviewed with months ago and my rep said he has a job for so he submitted me for a position at Bank of America/Countrywide for a Home Loan Specialist and it is about 5-10 mins from my house! Like all the other positions I had been submitted for I didn't think I would hear anything about this one so I didn't even tell Paul. Thursday: I received a call back on the position around 130pm saying I got it and could I come in for orientation at 3pm? Um sure I thought. The boys are sleeping and I have no babysitter but, I will figure it out. So, luckily I was able to take the boys to Paul's Grandmothers house for Paul's Dad to watch and I was able to make it on time. I am happy to say that I start working on Tuesday! It is a temporary to permanent position. I am a little nervous about that but, if this is what I am suppose to do then it will all work out. Friday: Connor had his ear tube procedure. It was so fast. He came out of anesthesia like a pro. Didn't even sleep the rest of the day like the nurses said he would, which was a little disappointing for me. Just Kidding! Later that day since Connor so good we went to look at daycares. I was excited for this until I looked at my first one. I was sure this was going to be the one. It is right by our house and the inspection reports were top notch. The one year old class had 15 children attending with only two teachers. Then the two year old class was ok until the teacher screamed and not just a yell this was a scream at a little boy for opening the door. So, I left feeling and wondering if I should be going back to work and if this was the right path I should be taking. I went and looked at one more day care right behind Paul's work. It is older inside but, they seemed to really care for the kids. I need to pull their inspection reports still and Paul needs to check them out. I think Connor will just be going full time at his preschool which I am so happy about. I wish Colin was old enough to go there. About nine more months and he can! Now today, Saturday we are off to do my co-op!

Colin is 15 months old!

Colin 3 months Connor 21 months old


Colin had his well check appointment today. He weighs 28 pounds 8 ounces (90%) height is 33 inches (95%) and his little head at 19 inches circumference (75%)
He did so well with his shots, didn't even cry! He is learning a new word a week and now says Thank You at times. I thought I would share some photos of Colin this time last year and now. It amazes me how different things are now!

Colin eating Prunes for the first time!

All Smiles!

Sleeping with Daddy

Best Friends!

Updates!

After Connor's ENT appointment it was determined that he will need tubes again. He still has fluid in his ears! I have mixed emotions about the procedure. I want it done, don't get me wrong but, the risks of putting him under still linger in my mind. I mean I wouldn't be a Mother if I didn't worry about this! I also think about how we felt the last time; sitting in the waiting room waiting and praying he would come out of everything fine and of course he did!

I was diagnosed with Reactive Airway Disease. I thought this was the same as Asthma as did my doctor but, after chatting with my good friend Adrienne from my mothers group I have learned they are two very different things. She gave me a lot of good pointers and that day she and I talked I did what she said and started breathing easier again. I tried working out today and my lungs are not quit ready. I left 15 minutes early hacking and short of breath. LOL

Tomorrow Colin has his 15 month well check which is catching me a little off guard. Everyone tells you how fast it goes by but, you can never really prepare yourself for it. I mean my boys are only 2 and 1, I cant imagine what I am going to be saying when they are 16 and 15! I will update tomorrow with his stats! LOL

Where did the weekend go?

This past weekend flew by me! I had my co-op Saturday morning and needed Jackie's help again. My site ordered 17 baskets including my own so really 16! Which is amazing. My goal was to get 15 I just didn't think it would happen so fast. I am now ordering half the baskets for our co-op!

All of this for $15! This week's basket was so colorful I took photos for our website!

The Boys munching on carrot sticks while I got all the fruit and veggies put away! Colin was very much into his favorite movie Finding Nemo.

Then that evening Paul, myself and the boys went to CCV our church to attend a baptismal event for our neighborhood group. Four people including myself were baptized in our neighborhood. This was so amazing. Normally our church holds their own event and hundreds are baptized so it was really special for it to just be us four and we were able to meet some new people. The boys as always had so much fun there. We had them in their class for the even because I was afraid they would not sit still. Then after it was all over I went to change and then Paul got them out and we all had pizza together. When I first started to attend CCV I thought it was so odd that I would have to be baptized again. I just didnt understand it and didn't like the idea of having to be submerged into water but, after taking the starting point class it makes perfect sense. Paul had the option of going in with me but, he did not bring a change of clothes so he declined and the pastor said he could decide how long they would keep me under which of course Paul thought was a riot...me not so much! It was all in good fun. I am really excited to start serving at church in the children's ministry. I received my packet that night to fill out and will be bringing back this weekend.

Being Baptized at CCV May 2nd by our neighborhood Pastor Bob Fesmire

Me getting Paul wet hehe

Thank you Wendy for taking photos for me and for all your words of encouragement!